From Paintbrush to Pen
The kitchen cabinets that started it all.
One of the first pieces I painted for a dear friend. It’s still on my list of favorites.
A couple years ago, well before my manuscript was even on the radar I decided to paint our kitchen cabinets. I researched what to do and successfully painted not only our cabinets, but several pieces of furniture in our home. I had begun taking anti-anxiety medication shortly before this time and enjoyed the new stillness in my brain that allowed for the former creativity from my youth to grow. Eventually I was happily chalk painting furniture for friends and was even making a little money on the side with painting.
The newfound relief in my brain allowed for stifled areas of imagination to bloom and grow. I was filling my days with painting and reading whenever and however I could. One book I was reading at the time was a young adult fiction novel about a young girl with OCD written by an author who also suffers with it. I was overjoyed to find a book that would explain the struggles of the disorder in an entertaining way. When I finished the book, despite its accuracy, I felt discouraged at the overall lack of hope in the story. I had hoped I could use this book as a way to help my children understand the disorder better, but without hope as a theme, I knew I couldn’t use it as my final resource.
My own writing creativity was born with every new stroke of the paint brush. I found peace in the creative process of painting something old and making it new. I also noticed a fictional narrative blooming in my mind. A storyline about a sweet character with OCD took shape whenever I spent time painting. I decided it was time to get the story out of my imagination and onto the page in short story form as a future tool for my children. It was then, with my outdated iPad and broken keyboard, that I began my writing journey.
The gradual process of going from painting to writing reminds me of when my children were infants and a wise woman (my mother, of course) told me sleep begets sleep. The more sleep a baby gets, the more he/she will want sleep and the easier it will be for him/her to fall asleep. It felt similar for me as I began to create. Painting was the shovel that unearthed the cavern of creativity that was lost under the pile of OCD thoughts and generalized anxiety that once suffocated it. The more I painted, the more I wrote and the more I wrote, the more I painted. I was in a zone that felt like a mental vacation. The short story I hoped to write as documentation about OCD for my children slowly became something bigger than I could’ve ever imagined.
Ultimately it was the anti-anxiety medication that allowed the road to my creativity to be accessed in the first place. Medication is not a silver bullet to better mental health, but instead it is a tool God provides that can and should be used more readily for people who are experiencing mental illness battles. Medication is not a crutch or sign of weakness, but instead it can assist in calming the brain such that strategies can be utilized. I think medication coupled with counseling is a powerful combination of tools that can assist greatly with healing.
Painting and writing don’t only bring me joy because of what they produce, but it is in the process where I find the deep soul satisfaction and sanctification. I’m thankful for this new dream but am most thankful for the God who gave it to me. I pray everything I write never points to myself but only points to the Giver of all good things and the One who died for all of us, Jesus Christ. He is the best gift of all.
If you are struggling with anxiety or depression and feel scared to try medication, start by finding a counselor, psychiatrist, or pastor to talk to about what you are experiencing. They are trained to guide people as they navigate what kinds of help would be most beneficial based on specific symptoms. There is no place for embarrassment or shame in asking questions or needing help in this way. Helping people is what these professionals love to do and it is truly a safe space. There is no place for shame in the counseling game!!!
If you need things furniture painted, check out Pop of Paint on Facebook and @popofpaintnc on Instagram. Before this long winded pandemic I was working for her painting furniture and she has been a huge support for me. She also turns dated pieces of furniture into stunning pieces of art. I can’t wait to get back to painting and writing at the same time!
