What is OCD?

These are Happy Hearts! A dear friend creates them to fill the world with encouraging words. Follow her on instagram @susoutter.

 When I was finally brave enough to tell people about my manuscript it became clear that many people have no idea what Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder actually is. I often shared with people that I had written a manuscript based on my own experiences with the disorder only to have them say that they also shared in the battle with OCD. Puzzled I would always inquire more, only to discover that they liked to keep their bathrooms super clean or preferred color coordinating their bath towels. An acquaintance once commented that she and her type A family members all suffered from OCD. Folks, liking things clean, organized, color coded, straight and dust free are NOT automatic indicators of OCD. Our society has taken the phrase OCD and turned it into a socially appropriate phrase for excusing quirky behavior involving order and cleanliness. 

            So, if OCD isn’t all those type A traits then what is it? Keep in mind that I am not a doctor or therapist, so I speak only from experience and many years of therapy. OCD is a spinning of the brain about concocted fears that are based on real things. OCD causes the brain to believe in false truths that sometimes could actually be true. Usually these fears are in specific categories. People with OCD typically have fears in one or more categories, but most of the time there are one or two categories that house a majority of the fears. The categories usually are related to one but aren’t limited to the following, fear of harming, religious scrupulosity, sexual fears, fear of what people think, and the most well-known, fear of germs. All are terrible to experience. Usually these fears are based on things that could actually happen in real life, but the fears overtake and become all consuming. Individuals with OCD ruminate and replay situations over and over, often having to think about a specific fear correctly as a requirement to move on to the next fear on deck. Fears could involve being afraid of murdering someone, getting cancer from eating something wrapped in plastic, being attracted to a family member or being solely responsible for destroying the planet by not recycling a single aluminum can.

These types of fears fly through the brain for a moment, but then circle back to take root for longer and longer amounts of time. The inflicted individual must respond by doing something (or many things) to right the fear, relieve the uncomfortable anxiety and make it go away.  The actions momentarily relieve the dropping feeling of fear; the key word being momentary. The relief that comes with any check or compulsion only lasts a small amount of time requiring the compulsions to happen again and again. The compulsions feel like a logical fix when in reality they are typically bizarre behaviors that do not fit in with a balanced lifestyle. Some compulsions include saying a particular phrase to oneself or others a certain amount of times, checking the stove over and over to ensure it is off, hand washing until the hands feel “perfectly clean” or blinking violently to get an unwanted image out of the mind, to name a few. The compulsion is a bandage to that falls off immediately causing the needed compulsion to be performed yet again. Compulsions are endless and painstaking. They do not provide permanent relief, but they are the only logical way to attack a fear in the mind of the OCD sufferer. 

OCD is like Whack-a-mole. I would feel like I had successfully put a specific fear in its place only to immediately have a new one pop up unexpectedly.  The fears and images are ugly and persistent; no amount of logic can make them go away.

           There are a million different ways OCD can distort the truth and a million different irrational ways sufferers can try to make the feelings, thoughts, and fears go away. Some of those may require cleaning or organizing, lots won’t, but the motivation for any of those actions is fear. 

          The presence of a chemical imbalance in the brain is to blame for OCD. It seems like such a simple explanation for an extremely complicated disease. As hard as it was to grow up with OCD, in the end, I am thankful for it. I’m thankful for how God has used it to draw me to Himself. I didn’t just pray my fears away. I didn’t pray my OCD away. No, I used the tools He provided to experience relief. God gave me the strength to experience hard things and push past the fear in moments when the need to perform a compulsion was too strong. I see how my struggles have forced me to choose joy and trust over fear because of what Christ did on the cross. Heck, I’m thankful He provides medicine! There are so many ways to treat OCD and there is never a reason to be hopeless.

I am also very thankful He provides trained counselors who can help dissect the intricate emotions and thoughts that come with OCD. Counseling has been a HUGE part of my recovery. There’s no shame in acknowledging that fact. No one should ever feel embarrassed about going to therapy for any reason. Sadly, many people feel ashamed or afraid of needing help, but reaching out is an admirable trait. 

Life comes full of hardships and OCD is but one of them. Regardless of the challenges we face in this life, Christ is the answer to all of them. He is with us through all things, no matter how challenging. He experienced unimaginable hardships here on earth and continues to relate to all our individual suffering. I certainly do not rest on His mercies as much as I should, so I’m thankful when I remember that when I pray for His peace He will provide it, even in the uncomfortable moments.

  I don’t like trials. I don’t enjoy when they happen. I don’t enjoy having OCD, but I am thankful for how God has used it to grow me in Him and allows me to rely on His strength instead of my own. God answers prayers and He loves His children. Those are the promises that make me thankful for my OCD.