The Seratonin Scramble of 2025
Disclaimer: Let me start this post by saying, I am a HUGE fan of anti-anxiety medications when they are needed. Please do not hear me say I think they are bad or unnecessary. God uses many means to help combat mental health struggles and medication is most certainly a BIG one!
Recently I decided to taper off of my anti-anxiety meds. (I know, I know…during the holidays and wintertime…probably not the wisest time but here we are!) I’ve reached a point in my mental health journey where the side effects from the medications outweigh the overall benefits of the drugs themselves. I pulled back on my toolbox of old strategies and readied myself for the ups and downs ahead as my serotonin recalibrated. I’m under a doctor's and counselor’s care, so this task doesn’t seem as daunting as it once would have. As I’ve aged, my case of OCD has thankfully gotten less severe, likely from the ERP I’ve done as well. So, take heart if you’re beginning your ERP journey; it does get easier!
A few years ago I tried to get off my meds because I was experiencing clenching, itching, and other more personal side effects that were too much to bear. After only a few months without my meds, I experienced an intrusive thought that left me shaken. I then immediately went back on my medication without even attempting to use a strategy or discuss my thoughts with my counselor.
This time around, after the side effects became too much again, I am determined to commit to the journey before getting back on medication so immediately. I am in NO WAY anti-medication, quite the contrary. I see the value of getting my OCD baseline, especially now that I know more than ever about OCD and have experienced facing my fears head-on with great success. It’s okay to take a beat and reassess, but if you choose to do the same, most certainly face the challenge with the help and advice of a doctor and counselor!
Despite the ease with which I’ve entered into life with no meds, I have noticed the side effects are being traded for old habits that the meds reliably covered up. I’ve noticed I now walk into social situations with an uneasy self-conscious feeling that can often imitate irritation. I remember this feeling from long ago and have become reacquainted with its ickiness. It’s the familiar pre-worry feeling. I get this nagging feeling before I’ve even entered a conversation convinced I will inevitably do something to get defensive about. I experience this mostly with the people I’m closest to, but it happens in new social situations as well. My quick-moving brain swoops in before I can strongly plant my confidence, creating an uneasiness that’s challenging to ignore. It feels like I’m being asked to walk away uncomfortable before I’ve even done or said anything stupid to be uncertain about. The waves of worry start swooshing like there’s a storm when the skies are clear and blue. It’s a worry itch I can’t scratch yet. Will the discomfort from this familiar OCD tendency be worth the sacrifice of meds?
I don’t have a full picture of my new normal yet, but it’s a blessing to feel thrilled by the new challenge instead of terrified. I expect there will be times of discomfort and stress along the way, but that’s what sanctification in Christ looks like anyway, so it feels fitting. God will be with me step by step through this process and I know He will not leave me to face the new and old challenges alone. Stay tuned for updates and feel free to share your journey with and without meds in the comments!
