Reconciliation Rejection

Does a broken heart only count if it comes after a romance? Is it possible to truly suffer a broken heart after a close friendship breaks? Or when a family relationship sours? Can a broken heart only happen when the love is romantic? If someone gets unfriended on social media, does that mean the face-to-face relationship is over too? When do we fight to save friendships and when do we let them go? How do we move on when there has been no resolution?

These are the questions I’ve been asking myself for the last couple of years, especially after another uncomfortable election season. Relationships of any kind are hard for everyone, but they can become all-consuming, most commonly for those of us with anxiety or obsessive tendencies. When conflict happens in my relationships, I desire resolution as quickly as possible. Sitting in the discomfort of disagreement is not a place I enjoy staying (just ask my husband. I often chase him around the house for a resolution. I don’t recommend it). I have a deep need for truth and honesty in disagreements, but I’m also okay with not agreeing as long as there is honest communication. I can rest in the tension so long as it’s all been expressed. When did it become okay to just…stop talking? I don’t think this blog post is going to land me on any sort of grand explanations or solutions. I am, quite honestly, processing out loud.

As the holiday season approaches, it’s easy to remember all the broken relationships we face on the regular. Maybe we have to spend time with someone who we’ve not resolved a conflict with or we don’t get a Christmas card from a person we once held dear. I’ve personally suffered a heartbreaking rejection over the last couple of years. I was blessed to have never had my heart broken by someone I was romantically involved with, so it took me a while to realize after a close “framily” relationship broke down that the sadness I was feeling was, in fact, from a broken heart. I think we all need closure when relationships are over, but for someone with OCD, the discomfort of not getting that is truly mentally taxing. I was rejected, accused of false things, and told to get gone with no real explanation. The sadness that came from all of that and the loss of someone I loved deeply took a very long time to reconcile and I am still trying to reconcile it today if I’m being fully honest with myself. Not only did I lose a friendship, but there was a deep attack on the person I am along the way. It hurt. The lack of reconciliation still hurts. I do not like sitting in the uncertainty of how our friendship story ended because it was never fully discussed.

Here’s the good news-God wants to reconcile with us even though we’ve wronged Him in a thousand big and small ways. He never refuses true and eternal reconciliation for us, with Him. We don’t ever have to wonder if we’re “okay” with our heavenly father because the answer is always yes. I take peace in the knowledge that God doesn’t require me to act fake with Him or pretend things are okay when they don’t feel like they are. He won’t snub us or cancel us. He’ll listen to everything we have to say, even though it’s tainted with sin, and He still forgives us. There will be no end to our friendship with Him and no broken heart. He’s an all-in God who wants to know our struggles and hardships. Because of Christ, we have the best kind of closure because of our fully restored relationship with God. It’s fully restored forever!!! What amazing news as we all stand among relationships that are not always so grace-filled.

I want all my relationships to feel "just right,” like OCD wants everything to feel, but as we all know, that’s not always possible. Sometimes, we have to walk away uncomfortable knowing the relationship may not be saved and the honest conversation that leads to a restored relationship won’t be allowed to happen. We may have to suffer a broken heart and not get the closure that would be most healthy for us or them. The most generous explanations may not be handed out to us and we might not get the opportunity to hand any out to someone we love. Even with all the mess, we can thank God for giving us the truest kind of reconciliation because of the sacrifice of His son. May we all (please Lord!) rest in that truth as we face unresolved relationships this Christmas season!