Do No Harm

I know I am stating the obvious, but parenting is a tough job. It's probably one of the toughest around, in my opinion. There are constant decisions to be made, boundaries to be lovingly set, and schedules to keep organized, to name a few of the never-ending responsibilities. Raising children is not for the faint of heart. I’ve heard and learned through experience that it is one of the most sanctifying jobs. I always assumed when my children were younger that at some point everything would get easier and there would be a mental vacation in my future, despite what all my fellow mothers had warned me. Throughout every age and stage of parenting I have consistently struggled with the same thing; the nagging fear that I would, in some way, harm my children.

I consistently live with the fear that I could and would intentionally or unintentionally hurt my children. If I lose my temper with them, I worry I’m abusive. If they are sick, I feel a frantic need to fix their suffering, and when I can’t, it feels like my fault. If a pill or an intervention is needed, I doubt the need for it. If a pill or intervention is not required, I doubt the chosen course of waiting it out as well. When my children have personal struggles or need relationship advice, I carry the weight of their emotions as if they were my own. When anxieties or fears hit my children, I wonder how I’ve made them worse, not how God might use them in their lives.

Analyzing their symptoms to find antidotes becomes my full-time job when they are sick. Figuring out the perfect strategy for their fears or worries feels like an urgent task that must be analyzed immediately. Given my kids all struggle with ear and sinus infections, antibiotics have been needed in the past for total healing. The overthinking about the rightness of every decision around their health too quickly becomes an unhealthy loop of worry on my part, along with a heavy amount of googling. The decisions that come with managing their health, both mental and physical, easily become worth obsessing over. Reassurance and compulsively searching for answers do not provide peace for my weary heart, but those are often my go-to coping skills when the adrenaline is high. The responsibility for discerning the best ways to walk alongside them as their mom to advocate, support, and choose a course of action feels like a weight with a high probability of harm, no matter what I decide.

So far, 2025 has been rich with illness for our family. We’ve already been sick with quite a few germs, making it a challenging time given the revolving door of ill children staying home from school. Even though I now have older children, the slippery slope of worry-seasoned thoughts still trickles in, especially when illness sticks around for a while. Fairly quickly during this season, I’ve had to implement OCD strategies so I don’t take on the blame for all their pain and suffering. The relationship and emotional needs of everyone have become equally concerning all too quickly as well.

I have to put every health and emotional scenario in God’s hands immediately, or it will quickly fester into panic. I have to stop the googling, becoming frantic, and overthinking every symptom wondering if some part of their experience is my fault. Walking away uncomfortable, when they are uncomfortable, is the first step away from anxiety. Like any other fear, sitting in the uncertainty and letting it freely flow until it lowers is the first step towards rest when the brainstorming becomes suffocating. Overanalyzing how or why I could hurt my children or what my motivations might be after every interaction is never going to be helpful or productive. Like most other worries, the ‘what-ifs’ aren’t useful or welcome in this space either.

Next, I must visualize placing my children at the feet of Jesus knowing He loves and cares for them even more than I do. This step is the only long-lasting comfort for a mother’s soul in a very uncertain world, whether you have OCD or not. He loves our kids fully and completely, so we can give them over to Him with confidence that He will guide our decision-making as we imperfectly guide our precious littles into adulthood. Our sins as parents are forgiven, even the ones that might hurt our children!! Our great God can and will use even our massive shortcomings to glorify Himself in our lives. Parenting seasons come and go, but Jesus stays the same. Praise God for that! So when I feel the need to hyperfocus on a parenting situation that needs discernment, I have the safest place to go and so do my children; the foot of the cross. The cross can handle all of our intrusive thoughts, so let’s leave them and our precious babies there!!!