The Tooth Hurts

This is a bruise I got from one of my many root canals.

I’m sure I looked quite frightening!

I got the call I was dreading from my dentist today. I spent all day waiting to hear if one of the suspicious areas between my teeth would need to be filled and of course, it does. Two years ago, I had four teeth filled and two years ago I had four teeth crack which lead to four root canals. The overall experience was painstaking, expensive, time consuming, and humbling. As a result, hearing the truth about yet another dental procedure brings out a plethora of complicated feelings for me. She spoke optimistically, discussing that even though I had areas to be concerned, I would be okay. I heard her words, but I couldn’t fully absorb them because I was busy being suffocated by shame. I felt embarrassed to be in this position again and ashamed at the state of my pearly whites. I know full well there are a variety of factors that influence tooth health that range from genetics, to pregnancy, to the sodas I drank in college when I was young, but I find myself only focusing on the factors I didn’t control well enough.

            The longer we spoke the more the pit in my stomach rose to my throat while my cheeks felt hot with embarrassment. Why was I was feeling so much shame? Why do teeth problems bring us shame? Why do so many of us feel accused and defensive when we go for a simple cleaning? Why do the actions we take or don’t take to care for our teeth define our sense of value as a human being?

I don’t think I have universal answers to these questions, but from my experiences I think the shame comes from wanting the state of my teeth to reflect the good care I give them and when they aren’t good enough, I am as a result not good enough. I looked up the definition of shame and google defines it as “a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.” That definition sounds about right to me!

What’s interesting about tooth shame is that not all issues with teeth come about because of error, but somehow the shame creeps in regardless whenever sugar bugs attack, teeth crack, or gums swell. Whenever my teeth need repair I feel less worthy of love as result and today was no different.

The truth is we all feel shame for an exhaustive list of reasons and in our humanity we can rest in the community of other sinners who are broken just like we are. We all need to remember that our shame has been permanently removed by the God who sent His son who paid for it to be removed. God will walk me through my next tooth adventure, and I will pray for no more shame about any of it. I no longer need to be embarrassed or humiliated because my worth is in Jesus alone and I am forgiven for all my sins; most of those being far greater than not flossing.

I hope you read these words and feel compelled to put your shame at the foot of the cross with mine. Shame has no place there. There will always be something that tempts us to feel shame again, but we can approach God with confidence knowing that He loves us dearly and will never leave us. So as I tackle my next dental endeavor, I will be asking God to help me remember this truth and trust that He is walking with me through every whistle of the drill.

I’m happy to report that my tooth work went great. I can smile with healthy teeth and healthy gratitude that God answered my prayer.