Thankful For OCD?
Thanksgiving is Thursday, and that means it’s time to reflect on the people and things we’ve all been blessed with. It’s a time to appreciate our lives while simmering in gratitude for what and who we have. I’ve recently been asked on a few podcasts if I’m thankful for my OCD. I have replied similarly each time, but often take pause as I consider my answer again. I would argue that I am thankful for my OCD. That certainly doesn’t mean that I enjoy it or like having fears that can overtake my thinking, but it does mean that as I reflect on my experiences with OCD, especially the really challenging years when I was young, I’m beyond grateful for how God has used it in my life to bless me. I know it’s shocking that I’ve been blessed by OCD, but in many ways I have.
God has used my OCD fears to allow me to rely on Him more fully when life is hard. Even in my scrupulous thoughts, He has met me and helped me rest in His promises, even as my OCD tried to tell me I’m not worthy. The process of healing from OCD hasn’t been a comfortable or easy one, but through the stretching and bending of therapy, God was with me. I’ve been able to experience God in my life through experiences of panic, exposures, and successes that all happened because I have OCD. He has grown my character and sanctified me through the brokenness that OCD supplies. OCD is one of the ways God has chosen to bring me more to Himself and for that, I’m thankful. Now, please don’t hear me say that I would wish this on others or that I enjoyed the process. No way. Certain seasons felt impossible, and I wanted to move through them quickly, however, in reflecting on those times now, I see God’s working hand in all I’ve faced.
At the end of the day, every human will face hard things. We aren’t promised comfort and fun all the time, much to my disappointment. Every person will walk into circumstances that will bend them farther than what seems fair. OCD is just one way life can get murky and challenging, there are a million other hardships. No matter what we face, God will be with us. He doesn’t leave us to get stretched alone, but instead gives us His word and Himself as means to carry us through. I’m thankful for how He’s walked with me through the difficulties that come along with OCD, and I’m also thankful that He’s blessed me now with a season of mental balance. I’m thankful I have the medication I need to not wake up with a brain whirling with what-if thoughts. I’m thankful for my people who speak into my life when they see me becoming worried, and I’m thankful for the friendships that have come out of openly sharing my experience with OCD.
No, becoming thankful for painful experiences like OCD doesn’t happen overnight and certainly doesn’t always feel possible. It takes a lot of time, pondering, praying, and God softening our hearts to feel the thankfulness for those experiences. Ironically, the actual feeling of thankfulness that God provides is something we should be overwhelmingly grateful for. So yes, with reluctance and peace I say I’m thankful for my OCD. I hope this Thanksgiving you see ways that God has used your OCD or other challenges to glorify himself and make you more like Him. I hope God grants peace to each one of us as we cry out with a mix of gratitude and honest suffering as He works for our good, even in our hardships. Most of all, I hope you hear from me that you have a great God who loves you so much that He sent His son, who suffered with us on the cross and has forever changed the eternal trajectory of our lives when we believe in Him. We have much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving; let’s feast in gratitude together!
