Never will I Ever

My 3rd grader-“Mom, is this problem right?”

Me-…………….

“Never, will I ever homeschool my kids. It would be too hard for me and I wouldn’t be good at it,” I’ve said over the years to countless people. The benefits of sending my kids to school seemed like the obvious right choice for our family and there was no convincing me otherwise. Why would I put myself in the position to be the one who teaches my kids when other people could influence them way better than I ever could? Enter Covid-19, virtual school, and a bucket full of crow.

            “Mom! My headphones don’t work! Come fast!” Excuse me, but I am not an IT person. I have never used headphones in my life let alone known how to fix them. I have one child who chews on the actual cord out of boredom. We’ve had to buy 3 new cords already and our quarantine puppy hasn’t been responsible for destroying a single one of them.

            “Mom! When is my meeting? I don’t want to be late!” She’s only been late once, but as a result of the one-time trauma my youngest slithers through the house every morning sucking her thumb nervously waiting, convinced I’ll forget circle time. Nobody around here wants to know what will happen if she misses the first few minutes, however I’m fairly certain her teacher cares about her tardiness the least of all of us.

            “Mom! What time do I have math? I don’t get this problem and I need help to get it done before class starts or I will fail, and she’ll think I don’t know what to do! Wait, Mom stop! Don’t do it like that, that’s the old way! I have to do it the new way. Forget it, this makes no sense.” Teachers plead with parents to help with math problems, but we can only do so in a certain way. The mathematical times of old are demoted and new strategies have taken over. All my life I’ve felt pretty stupid doing math, but between my age and the “new” techniques I feel even stupider. Also, nothing in the sixth grade makes sense, so I hear.

            “This is so dumb. School is so mean. Why do I have to write all this? This is stupid. I hate reading and writing.” Through my virtual schooling experiences, I’ve learned that everything related to reading and writing is “dumb.” My tween son reminds me daily that nobody likes to read, nobody. Writing a one-hundred-word essay is about as fun as having a wart frozen off for him. I try to remind him that words are the building blocks for any future career, but I’m pretty sure at this point he’d like to be a stay-at-home dad so he can “take it easy every day.”

            “I’m hungry! Mom! I’m starving! When are you going to Costco again? Can I have some fruit snacks?” Fruit snacks are the best way to solve the issue of hunger. No matter how starving a person might be, fruit snacks are the cure. They will give a student the energy to perform throughout the day, at full throttle capacity. Forget fruits and vegetables because those will not squelch their starvation, only wax like gummies will do.

            Laughter has been the best way to cope with the recent changes in our schooling realities. There are some days when I know they are sick of my face. Often the feeling is mutual, and we tell each other so. On days when we start to internally combust we take a trip to the trampoline to jump awhile then play a healthy game of Yaatzee as we eat ice cream to recalibrate. This year has been nothing any of us expected and at times I’ve wondered what in the world God is doing in it all. Then I hear my kids laughing, in between petty fights of course, and I remember that this year is a gift. I will never have another year exactly like this one ever again. Someday I will look back and miss parts of it all. My children will never be these ages again or need me in the same ways. I might never have imagined myself saying things like, “you better turn your camera on so your teacher can see your face,” or “remember not to spam the chat box today during class,” but I think we’ve all been sanctified by this experience for our own good and God’s glory. That’s what I tell myself anyway.  One other phrase I never thought I’d say, “I’ve really enjoyed having them schooling at home.”

This picture hangs beside my middle child’s desk. This accurately depicts how we all feel about school sometimes.